Wow! It's been a while since I have written on my reflections of this process and I feel there are so many things I could write about. I just spent some time looking over my past blog posts and it is extremely interesting not only to look back at portions of this journey, but also realizing the shift in my actions and how I process information. One of the most beautiful things about this process is that it is an exploration. As I look at old blog posts I remember having a vision of how I imagined all of this unfolding, and although some events have mimicked those visions, nothing happens the way it is planned out by the conscious mind.
This blog was basically the beginning of making a dream a reality. It was the easiest way for me to put the intentions of my life desires and desires to raise awareness about particular causes into a more physical state and push them out into the world. On a deeper level, (although I had no idea at the time this blog was created) it was the beginning of my ability to allow the power of thought and intention to create my current surroundings, stepping into different perspectives, and trusting that thoughts and intentions facilitate actuality.
After I returned from Haiti, I felt the need to shut the outside world out for a while, to think, to write, to process, to focus on the information presented on the trip, and how I wanted to proceed in using that information to move forward. After seeing the destruction in Haiti, I can see how one might question their ability to make a difference. However, for me, my thought process was the opposite, it solidified a knowing/comfort within myself that I am "supposed" to be in this line of work. Long story short, with putting the intention out there for some time of solitude, I found myself in the country side of Northern California for a few weeks. After some much needed alone time, I was able to sit on my emotions and further spread the fruit of my intentions through meditation and self reflection.
Subsequently after return to Los Angeles from Northern California there has been many shifts. After returning, I managed to manifest a change in living situation. It is exciting to know that I will be moving within the next few months, yet have no idea where, with who, for how long, with very minimal funds... oddly enough, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I am supposed to get rid of more belongings. I'm looking forward to a time of new energy and with new energy will come new adventures. The other change that has come from my return is a cascade of new and seemingly never ending contacts. From beauty pageant contestants, to university professors, to founders of NGO's throughout Africa ... contacts on top of contacts of people that want to help my somewhat crazy visions and ideas have been flooding in. These new contacts are only reasurance that all will work as it is supposed. Although learning to trust the process has been a process in itself, it is exciting to whole heartedly accept the open road I have stepped onto, embrace the fears that have surfaced and will eventually subside, and welcome the expedition that lies ahead.
Es-Bee
